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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| I will not be happy any where I go. I don:t know why. JK it:s cause i:m spoiled nineteen year old and for some reason i dont want to do this anymore and i dont know why because life really isn:t that bad!!! i can say this in the rational part of my mind but thats never actually what i:m thinking. rambling on and on and on about what i always ramble on about and yet nothing ever changes.............................................................................................................. also.................. daddy:s back in town so now is when the shit hits the fan cause i:m goin back for a month so this site will be comparable to back in the day how it was everyday and actually! maybe something will change! | | |
| Hah, how interesting. I miss this. I think I'll come back. I read a little bit of it... Things have changed. I'm different now that I'm not living with Vicki anymore. It's interesting how certain people rub off on you. And how much things can change. I got sad from reading this. I didn't realize how interesting my life has been this past year. I never take things for granted. Except for yesterday. Yesterday we had this performance and it felt pretty good as a whole. And Misty Copeland came and performed and it was so sick... How could I not be inspired... Buns of steel for real...........................
And anyways... I've got to do something about my body. Some things never change... To organize my head:
-eat every 3 hours
-small portions
-<1000 calories
-write down intake everyday
-tons of water
-no eating past 6
-nothing sweet
Let's see how much I can lose in one month... Maybe... 20? That'd be nice. | | |
| even longer than last time, i forgot about this thing... i was readin some a this shit and i'm a sad sad girl ahahahha but i'm not so vocal about it anymore in most cases so it makes it seem less bad i live in buffalo ny and it's way cooler than ct ... i'm rehearsing in ct since wednesday, goin back up tomorrow thank god. i can't stand living here. my dad lives in florida. my birthday was yesterday and i'm 19. that's all i think. | | |
| how weird i haven't writen in here in ages. alots changed i'm finally losing alittle bit of weight nothing at all what i want but at least it's a little. ballet is alot better. i'm trying to think "fearless" in every aspect of my life actually and i think it's working. i did competition got to the finals so that was cool. didn't go on from there but got a half scholarshipto this summerprogram and an email from cirque du soleil. i just have to make a video so i can send it to them cause u make so much money with that shit and it'd just be a really awsome experience i think. not what i want to do but whatever. after that i went straght to buffalo for two weeks and i feel like i grew alot from that. getting out of the house and whatnot. it loooks like i'll be moving there after this summer. i really want to go to nashville but they haven't called me back yet it's just a reallly hard decision to make as well. it's like the rest of my life i'm decidng there's no goin back. WHATEVa. My dad moved to folrida so thats cool. i miss him and everything but the chances of him comin over shitfaced are really slim to none now so that's cool and i finally got to have my first college experience. itwas nuits but i'm glad ididn't choose college because i really coudlnt' do that everyday. all i could think was how fat i was gonna be the next day and i could just never do that. today i had just an awsome day cause my student had her recital tdoay and she just did so well and i felt like a proud mother it was so cute and she's so good i think she's gonna go to gba now cause i told her mother about it and she seemed really interested so that would just be relly great cause i love this girl. i was suppose to have my exam on friday but we're all sick or injured or whatever so the graduates have an extra 2 and a half weeks so i'm so happy about that because i could lose so much weight adn get so good it'll be awsome .and get unsick .HOPEFULLY i 'm so scared i have fuckin strep. i dont know but it's pretty much the same circumstances as last time i had it and basically i'm retarded but i just hope it's coincidence anyways i'm abotu to watch this film wiht vicki about this dude that smoked tonsof weed everyday for a month so that should be a blast rereadin this now i realize how much my life has changed. i think part of ti is due to my uncles death i think it was shortly before all this good stuff happend and i think it just made me think u know u can'tworry about such little things and u just have to do what u wanna do because u might just die tommorow just like he did. and my life has just gotten so much better and it's only because my thought process is changed. i hope i never feel how i did before because i was feelin so tired and wonderin what the worth of living was and really i dont think theres any point to life so just do what u want . i'm just really happy everythin happened like it did or i would still be feelin that way and i know it was just theprospect of all this that kept me going gotta go count some cals now ahahahhaha | | |
| And looking at it now, I meant every word.
Competition's on Saturday and I'm pretty nervous. I know I can do this if I don't lose my concentration, but it's really crazy. I don't know... Rehearsal today. Pack tonight. What do I pack? Excited for my first plane ride! But you can only have like 2 bags or something rediculous? I can't do that... Shoes still aren't in order. Reminder to self: jet shoes today or you'll have nothing to wear. I'm gonna do really well.. | | |
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